A Satisfying Prank
by sunniebelle
Summary: Deryn has a bit too much fun pranking Count Volger! A humorous one-shot drabble based on the "Leviathan" series by Scott Westerfeld.


"No, Deryn!" Count Volger said sharply, "You're sword point must be _up_!" With a flash of glinting-silver, he whacked her forearm with the flat of his fencing saber—as if to emphasize his sincerity.

Deryn couldn't help the tiny yelp that escaped her lips. She lowered her sword arm to rub the painful area. His irritation with her was more than evident. With a long, exasperated sigh he demanded, "Again!"

Deryn glared at the infuriating man before her, wanting badly to whack his daft head with her own saber. The _dummkopf_ was too meticulous for her liking.

She mentally ran through the correct posture of the offensive and defensive movements he had demonstrated earlier. She took her stance and brought her sword up in the proper position. If she knew anything about fencing with Count Volger, it was that he would not stop the lesson until she had _correctly_ performed the particular fencing technique he was trying to teach her.

Yet, she was determined to get this right. She wanted to go spend some time with Alek. Well, maybe after bathing first. She likely smelled like a pig sty after hours of sweating. Volger's lessons tended to have that effect.

Deryn narrowed her eyes, scowling as she locked them on his. The Count's gaze was as strict and cold as the man himself.

 _"En Garde."_ Volger said. He lunged at her, his sword flashing. Focusing on his eyes, Deryn saw where he was intending his sword tip to go. The air hissed as her weapon moved to block his, causing a sharp, metallic clink. Seeing an opening, she pushed off on her back leg and maneuvered her sword—exactly the way he had instructed. She swiftly moved inside his guard and landed a hard touch on his shoulder.

She smirked, feeling very satisfied with the surprised look on his face and the way he had to rub the spot. She expected he would have a bruise; she had bloody-well made sure of it! Retribution for all the bruises she would likely have.

Deryn drew back into her pose, ready for a counter attack. However, Volger dropped his guard and stepped back as well. They both saluted each other with their sabers, then bowed.

The Count said nothing as to how well or poorly she had done. He simply put his saber away and grabbed a towel on the back of a chair, wiping the sweat from his face. With his back turned, she could suddenly see the exhaustion emanating from him. He was not getting any younger, after all. She suspected that he was in his fifties, if not early sixties.

Count Volger strode from the room, his only comment being, "Same time tomorrow. And this time, do _not_ be late."

Deryn blushed a squick, thinking of why she had been late to this lesson in the first place. She had been snogging Alek in a coat closet, having a grand time with him and thoroughly enjoying the _liberties_ he was taking. Suddenly, the door had been thrown open by Volger himself!

The lesson that followed had been long and excruciating, with Volger making her practice for two extra hours. He seemed to enjoy landing hits on her arm, wrist and other exposed limb sections when she made the slightest wrong maneuver. Yet, Deryn suspected that this unusual punishment was about more than just catching her and Alek kissing in a coat closet.

Just a few months before, Aleksandar of Hohenburg, the now ex-Archduke, had renounced all claims to the Austro-Hungarian throne. The very claim that Count Volger and Alek's late father had spent _years_ planning for.

Volger, of course, had been very upset upon hearing that the daft boy had thrown the scroll—which would have made him emperor—over the side of the British military airbeast _Leviathan_. He had immediately blamed Deryn, thinking that she had persuaded the prince to do so. She hadn't, of course, but she had been ecstatic with the results.

After all, Alek had given up his dreams of being an emperor, in order to stay with her. Sometimes she still wondered if she had dreamed it all; that she would wake up and her prince would be gone. Then, Alek would hug her or kiss her and she knew, it _was_ real.

However, Deryn felt Count Volger had gone a bit overboard with his punishment this time.

Suddenly, she had a brilliant idea! It might mean days of more painful and lengthy lessons, but it would be worth it. She quickly left the training room, following the hallway that Volger had taken.

Just ahead, she saw him stop to talk to some boffin in the hall. She stopped as well and ducked out of sight.

Deryn looked around and couldn't believe her luck. Glimpsing the item she needed to complete her idea, she snatched it up and rattled off a few words to it.

Double-checking that the coast was clear, Deryn walked toward Volger, very nonchalantly. He was facing away from her. Everything was going perfectly.

As she walked past the men, Deryn placed the item on the Count's back, careful not to let her hand or arm make contact with him.

As she passed on by—her hands now empty—Volger gave her a menacing glare. She ignored him and walked down the hallway a bit. The boffin moved on, apparently having finished the conversation.

Deryn chanced a glance backward at the Count. He was striding toward Deryn's retreating back, a superior and smug look on his face, his head held high.

She enacted the second part of her plan. Deryn turned fully around to face the Count.

"Count Volger!" she exclaimed in an alarmed voice, pointing at him, "There's something on your shoulder!"

He quickly turned his head to look and his eyes widened in fear.

"Boo! End message." The message lizard said.

Volger yelled, swatting at the poor, innocent beastie. It jumped away from the frantic man in surprise, dropped to the floor and scuttled away. The Count did a high-stepping dance to get away from the lizard, his face displaying his shock and fear.

Deryn could no longer hold her laughter in. She doubled over, clutching her stomach as she laughed madly.

 _"You!"_ Count Volger exclaimed, his voice furious. Still laughing, Deryn saw Volger moving toward her, a murderous expression on his face.

She quickly realized that her little joke was backfiring! Her laughter faded in an instant and she turned to run.

She rounded a corner, narrowly avoiding smacking into Alek. She grasped his arm, pulling him along as she shouted, _"Run!"_

The boy's eyes widened at this, but did as she said. "Why are we running?" Alek asked, suddenly nervous.

Deryn quickly stated, "I made Volger barking mad. I'll explain later. For now, might be best to just run!"

Rounding another corner, Deryn quickly pulled Alek into a dark hallway. They scrambled behind a tower of carefully stacked boxes and she motioned for silence. A few seconds later, Volger's footsteps passed by and all was quiet.

"Why was Volger chasing you?" Alek whispered, looking confused.

"I gave a message lizard a prank message to give to Volger and placed it on his shoulder, without him knowing." Deryn said, as if this were the most normal thing in the world. "He freaked out a wee bit and then chased me."

"What message did you give it?" Alek asked.

"Boo!" Deryn said, a mischievous smile splitting her face.

Alek couldn't hold back his grin. "Yes, I can see why he was chasing you."

"Aye, but it was bloody-well worth it." She said proudly. "You should have heard the shriek he gave and the look on his face! He was dancing around like his barking shoes were on fire. Bloody priceless!" Deryn said with a laugh.

"Not so _'priceless'_ , I would think." Came a coldly furious voice from behind them. Deryn and Alek turned in surprise to stare at a very angry-looking Count Volger.

"I will see you _both_ tomorrow morning for extended fencing lessons. And the same for the next _week_. If you thought the lessons before were long and painful, just you wait!" He held their gazes a moment longer and then stormed off.

Deryn glanced at Alek and he gave her an irritated look.

"God's Wounds!" Alek said with frustration. "Well, thanks to you we are both in for more pain than usual for the next few days."

"Aye. Sorry." Deryn said, not sounding very apologetic. Suddenly she broke into a smile, a laugh escaping her. "But seeing the look on his face was barking worth it!"

Alek rolled his eyes. "Easy for you to say, _dummkopf_. I have to room with the man!"

Deryn's face fell. "Oops. Forgot about that detail." Deryn felt bad for dragging Alek into her little prank on Count Volger.

Still, she couldn't help but chuckle every time she thought of Volger's shocked face, or the yelp and high-stepping dance he had done.

She felt satisfied with how her prank had turned out. Very satisfied indeed!

* * *

 **Count Volger is one of my favorite characters in the Leviathan series (mostly because he seems like such a complex, multi-layered character). However, I couldn't help but have a bit of fun at his expense! After all, his fear of message lizards is a bit odd, as Deryn states many times! Lol!**

 **Hope this story was enjoyable!**

 **All credit goes to the amazing Scott Westerfeld!**


End file.
